Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
