you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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