i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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