why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
