yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
