Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
