Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
