Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
