I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
