new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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