the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
