Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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