90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
