She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
