In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize