I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
