it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
