Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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