Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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