you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
