why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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