just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
