I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
