Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
this is an emotional support booty call
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