This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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