Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
