he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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