id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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