I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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