dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
