Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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