I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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