I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
