Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize