Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
