We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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