Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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