god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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