U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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