he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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