You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Don't EVER smell your tampon
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize