I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
