woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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