Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
