I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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