Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This is the high leading the old right now
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
