Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
