I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
