I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize