White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
