I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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