Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
