I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
