maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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