it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
