just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
