Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
