Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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