Swine flu. Run for my life!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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