i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
