So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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