do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
