how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
