who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize