If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
