did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
