Already got asked if we're dating
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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