I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
