Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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