I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
